Hello world! Long time no see, eh? 🙂 Yeah, it’s been a while. But I’m back with something to share.
Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough? Like the weight of the world is pulling down on you? Like you just keep stressing and worrying? Like people are just expecting too much of you? Like you just have to be good at that one thing? Yeah. Yeah I think you’ve felt this way at one point. I’m literally fresh out of a piano competition and most of what’s going through my brain right now is, “Pfft. I could’ve done better.”
Evidently, I struggle with perfectionism. And I think it’s because I care a lot about getting good grades, when talking about school. Or making sure I present my piece perfectly and don’t hit the wrong notes, when it comes to music. All these little thoughts of “I have to do this right!” that sometimes mess things up in our heads and affect our actions.
Sport is no longer my passion but man, the Rio Olympics was something I kept watching and following and getting updates on. I don’t know – there’s something about it that’s addictive (AND WHAT’S WORSE IS THE WORLD HAS TO WAIT 4 YEARS WHAT 4 YEARS) but one thing that really stuck with me throughout those 16 days of excitement is the fact that these Olympians have to face some serious, legit nerves. They go out there knowing that a million eyes are watching them. A million eyes wanting to watch something spectacular. A million eyes expecting you not to mess up. And when they do, millions of people will be watching and re-watching that moment.
I mean, yeah, these Olympians are the literal “greats” in their respective sports in this world of 7+ billion people and they’ve had a ton of experience and have been to a gajillion competitions so you’d think they’d get used to all the pressure, right? Wrong. Well, they have to train themselves to not allow the nerves get the better of them, and to keep their head in the game. #hsmmemories But even so, they still naturally get nerves. And it’s fine. It’s human. How you let that affect you and how you respond to them is what’s important. For goodness sake, even Simone Biles and Usain Bolt make mistakes. Even Captain America and The Flash make mistakes. Eh hem eh hem. But moving on.
I know that when I make a mistake on the piano or organ, I beat myself up. When I do something wrong and get reprimanded by my parents, I beat myself up. Mistakes build us up and make us better, but beating ourselves up and lowering our self-worth is unhealthy and dangerous.
Some people know me as someone who gets stressed a little too easily. But sometimes I look back and think, “Worrying’s not gonna make a single thing any better.” “I’m giving myself more problems.” “God is with me – why do I feel this way?!” These are the exact thoughts that should be roaming your mind everytime you feel an increase in stress levels. Or even better, just before the stress kicks in. Eventually I get tired of worrying and stressing all the time. It’s physically and emotionally unhealthy. And also, what’s worse is, when I worry and stress, it means that I may have forgotten that there’s a supernatural being up above who created me. Who loves me. Who’s always there for me. Like c’mon Nicole…give yourself a slap in the face and lift everything up to the Lord…duh. Like, what does God think of me everytime I freak the freak out???
When I say that I’m a perfectionist, it doesn’t mean that I want to be better than everyone. Sometimes I just don’t accept mediocrity or doing the “bare minimum.” And sometimes I forget that God our Father sent His only Son to die for our sins. This does not make us sinless like God, but it relieves us from the heavy burdens we carry. I’ve experienced first-hand how amazing and liberating it feels to allow God to help us lift the weight. Why then must we go on in life fretting and stressing? Feeling anxious and distressed? Refusing to ask for help? Everyday believing that there’s so much to do and so much we have to be good at?
So what? What if the nerves sometimes get into my head? What if I didn’t do something as good as I thought I could? What if I’m not…perfect??? Pfft. I’m a human being. I’m a sinner. My life here on Earth will never be perfect. So, all we gotta do is remind ourselves that we are not alone and that God is always willing to help us. We just have to lift everything up to Him. Offer and surrender ourselves, because we are done with feeling the need to be the best at everything. We are not in this walk alone. And even though we should always do things to the best of our ability, we are not perfect. But ya know who is? God. The Almighty God. Hmm…a perfect being helping imperfect beings…imagine that.